Let me first say, I’m no fashionista. I don’t wear cool pants, I don’t have hip glasses and I don’t own nonfunctioning accessories. My watch only tells time in one time zone, and it’s not the size of a Frisbee golf disc. My collar doesn’t start at my sternum, and I can’t pull off lime green chinos – with or without pleats. But when I saw both Ernie Johnson and Shaquille O’Neal wearing bow ties on TNT’s “Inside the NBA” the other night, I realized something had to be done.
Bow ties have been around for a long time. This is not their first rodeo. They’re the ugly step brother of the necktie. Although for centuries they have been reserved for the likes of Winston Churchill, Orville Redenbacher and guys slinging martinis at highbrow galas, all of the sudden, it’s become trendy to hit the town looking like you raided Carlton Banks‘ closet. First off, it is a tough knot to tie. Even for someone with as dexterous and adept fingers as mine, it takes a minimum of 30-45 minutes of YouTube viewing to secure a somewhat respectable bow. Then, you’ve got another 15-20 minutes in front of the bathroom mirror when one of your friends thinks it’s funny to untie it when you fall for the old, “Hey, is that Frank Stallone?” trick – because nobody pretends to spot Frank Stallone from across a crowded bar. Well, almost nobody.
Don’t get me wrong, I get it. Fashion is edgy, it’s ever-changing and soon enough, this Huckleberry Hound look will get stashed back in the what-were-we-thinking closet with parachute pants, bell-bottom jeans and the leather vest with no shirt underneath. Let’s just not get carried away with the logic that if it looks good on Justin Timberlake or James Franco, it will look good on me. (Because everything looks good on them.) Remember, there’s nothing wrong with following fashion trends, but always take a second look in the mirror and ask yourself, “If I saw me and didn’t know me, what would I say behind my back?”