Amber Rose & Kanye West

Amber Rose & Kanye West (Photo. Terry Richardson)

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly gathered the attention of everyone within eyeshot with a single look? A wave of unbridled attention that reminds you that women want you, and men want to be you. Not because of your perfect haircut, James Bond-like swagger or debonair smile, but because of your perfectly executed fashion choice. This has not happened, and never will happen, to someone wearing a Canadian Tuxedo.

The Canadian Tuxedo is an outfit that stops traffic for all the wrong reasons. The dilapidated combination of jeans and a denim jacket is a look that screams “a Larry the Cable Guy cassette is stuck on repeat in my 1994 Toyota pickup.” It’s the Roseanne Barr of outfits – tough on the eyes, extremely unappealing and even Tom Arnold won’t touch it anymore. But it has somehow stayed semi-relevant for generations.

Although Jay Leno and Kanye West are a few of the people to successfully take a bite out of the denim sandwich, they are still mocked by the bulk of their fans for it. The irony of the Canadian Tuxedo is that even the most beautiful and stylish of people can’t pull it off. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears attempted to sing the denim duet, but ended up looking like they cruised the wrong side of the clearance rack at the OshKosh B’gosh factory outlet.

This effervescent fashion faux pas overpowers the lasting durability so drastically that even homeless people ask the Goodwill clerks, “What else you got?” Unless you are hoping to have Danny McBride star in your biography, the Canadian Tuxedo is one piece of “formal wear” nobody should have hanging in their closet.